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Let us paint a picture for you: you’ve spent months looking for a job. After what seems like a million rejections, you finally land the job of a lifetime—a miracle in this economy. Before you get shipped off to the world of suits, ties, and 9-5s, you decide to celebrate with your new friends. Someone passes you a joint and you say sure, why not? No harm, no foul.
Except come Monday morning, when you’re ready and eager to go to your new job, you get a memo that could change your life. There’s a mandatory drug test awaiting you, and even worse, it’s an observed drug test, which means someone will be in the room with you.
This can be an absolute nightmare for anyone who dabbles in any sort of drug use. After all, why should a little harmless partying or unwinding on the weekend hurt your employment? In 2020, medical marijuana use is legal in many states, but recreational drug use is only legal in 10.
Even if you live where it’s legal, it’s still frowned upon by some employers. And if you don’t live in one of those states? Well, it can land you in a lot of hot water.
Of course, the best way to pass those tests is to either abstain completely or let it detox out of your system naturally. But that’s not always feasible. Drinking lots of fluids and sweating it out is great advice for someone trying to get healthy, not for someone who has a drug test tomorrow.
If you’re pressed for time and need a quick solution, we might have a suggestion. You have a lot of options these days, but there is one particularly safe solution that won’t disappoint: a fake urine device, of course!
What Is a Urination Device?
A urine device is a piece of equipment designed to resemble a real human penis. It’s usually made up of many components, such as a silicone shaft, elastic bands to attach it to your body, a small bag to hold liquid (ahem, pee), some sort of tubing that runs from the pee bag to the penis. Some might also come with a temperature strip and heating pads…we’ll explain why later.
There’s no beating around the bush. People use these urine devices for many reasons, but mostly to cheat their urine drug tests. It’s especially helpful when you know there’s going to be an observer in the room because you can dispense it in a way that’s discreet. They may not be looking directly AT you, so it’s possible to fool them with the right product. No judgment, it’s just a way for people to cope with an unfair, harsh reality.
You might wonder, “how is it legal to sell these?!” Well, there are other uses for these devices as well. They’re often sold as adult fetish toys. It’s no strap-on or dildo, but don’t get us wrong, you can definitely use this for sexual play. If you have a proclivity for golden showers but don’t like the mess/health risks, then you could consider these tools a godsend.
How Does The Whizzinator Work?
We’re sure you already understand the basics: you wear the whizzinator device, fill it with pee, and use it. That’s all well and good if you’re using it for kinky purposes, but what about for drug tests? Can it really fool a lab technician?
It doesn’t matter if it’s the realest-looking fake penis in the world; if the urine doesn’t come out right, the testers are going to know something is up. Either you test positive, or they conclude that you cheated the test and force you to take it again…or worse.
The real test is where most synthetic pee and devices fail: the quality of the urine. So what does a fake urine device need to pass the test?
Well, real urine is composed of very specific chemical and physical properties. If one of those things are off, be sure that someone is going to notice. You can’t just get yellow-colored water or try to mix it yourself.
Any synthetic urine worth its salt has the right pH balance, specific gravity, and color. It needs to contain uric acid, urea, creatinine, and everything else that’s normally present in human pee. It even needs to smell and bubble the same way!
But the biggest factor is temperature. You can have synthetic urine completely identical to the real one, but if you submit it at the wrong temperature, don’t even bother. Urine fresh out of the real source is in the range of 96-100F. Anything lower, and they’ll think you’re a corpse. Any hotter, and they’ll think you have a dangerously high fever. Either way, they’ll know you’re faking it.
The Whizzinator Review
Let’s dive right into one of the most well-known fake penis brands on the market: The Whizzinator.
The manufacturer of the Whizzinator, ALS, has been in the business for over 15 years. They’re the world’s first and oldest synthetic urine company, so you can already expect a certain standard of excellence from them. ALS has spent years perfecting the technology and science behind fake urine, and they’ve released half a dozen different products catering to people with alternative lifestyles.
The Whizzinator Touch is their flagship product, the original medical-grade urinator device. The standard Whizzinator kit comes with the following items:
- A Whizzinator Touch fake penis
- 100% cotton elastic belt with pressure band
- Refillable medical-grade vinyl pouch with built-in temperature strip
- A sample of the Golden Shower synthetic urine
- 4 heating pads
- Instruction manual
Basically, it has everything you need to cheat that drug test. If you need more, you can buy refills and accessories from the manufacturer as well.
The Whizzinator is available in 5 different colors, so you can choose the one that matches your skin tone the best: white, tan, Latino, brown, and black. The prosthetic penis is incredibly lifelike—it looks and feels just like the real thing!
It’s also easy to handle, even with just one hand. All you need to do is squeeze the shaft to control the flow of urine. The valve is discreet and silent, so you don’t arouse the suspicion of the observer. You won’t have a problem sneaking it in and whipping it out when you need to!
But what about the urine itself? You can trust ALS, who has a quality guarantee, to deliver. The synthetic urine is balanced for the correct uric acid, creatinine, pH, and specific gravity of real piss…including that distinct urine foam and smell. Even an experienced lab tech won’t be able to tell the difference, as long as you use it correctly.
And you don’t even have to worry about the neighbors (or your wife) finding out. ALS ships The Whizzinator in very discreet packaging. Plus, if you order before 4PM PST, you can expect your new fake penis to be on your doorstep by the next day. Perfect for those emergency cases!
How to Prepare and Use The Whizzinator
Seems pretty simple, right? Just fill the bag, strap it on, and go? Well, not exactly.
The Whizzinator uses very high-quality synthetic urine, but people still get caught. Why? They didn’t know what they were doing. So if you want to use this product to its maximum results (without tipping off the lab), you have to know how to use it correctly.
- Before the day of your drug test, practice with water! Practice holding and dispensing the liquid with one hand. Practice standing, sitting, and walking. Find a comfortable way to wear and use the device, so that you look as natural as possible.
- On the day itself, gather all of the components and detach the bag from the elastic straps.
- Take the dried synthetic urine powder and mix it with water according to the instruction manual. You should be mixing the whole vial with about 60-90mL of water (around 3.5-4oz). Again, it’s very important that you do this on the day itself because mixed urine will start to grow bacteria that could alter its chemical components.
- Take the bag and unscrew the leak-proof cap. Using the syringe, fill the bag carefully with the urine mix. You need about 3-4oz of pee to fill a sample cup. Be careful not to overfill the bag, as it may become uncomfortable to wear or may even burst. Secure the cap and reattach the bag to the bands.
- At least an hour before your test, attach a heating pad to the back of the bag. It should be on the side opposite the temperature strip. The heating pad should work up to 8 hours.
- Attach the device to your waist using the straps. The temperature strip should be pressed against your body to help maintain the ideal temperature.
- Before the drug test begins, check the temperature strip. Make sure it reads at 98-100F ideally. If the temperature isn’t correct, it’s not going to work. Cool or heat it as necessary.
- When it’s your turn, use The Whizzinator’s shaft to dispense the urine into the cup. Squeeze just below the tip to prevent leakage while you open the clip valve.
- Touch gently and control the flow. Let go when the cup has been filled. Be careful of any leakage.
- Submit your cup!
Is It the Best Fake Penis?
There are many things to love about The Whizzinator. It comes in a lot of colors, has an easy touch-and-go operation, and ships overnight. Plus, the urine has the perfect composition to fool any drug test. What else do you expect from a company that’s been doing this for over 15 years?
But there are also a few cons. Many users have reported that The Whizzinator has a tendency to leak after use. More importantly, the heating element isn’t as reliable as it should be which could obviously put you at risk of failing the test.
We’d still recommend The Whizzinator. But as one of the more expensive models on the market, you’d expect a lot more from it. Plus, there are cheaper fake urine devices that are just as, if not more, effective than The Whizzinator.
The Monkey Dong kit has more colors than the Whizzinator urine device, so if you’re looking for a lifelike choice, then have a look at them by clicking here or the link below to learn more.
The Whizzinator FAQ
What Can You Use The Whizzinator For?
Officially, you can use The Whizzinator as a sex toy during fetish play or as a fun way to prank your friends. But we all know what most people use them for…to clear a drug test.
Where Can You Buy The Whizzinator?
You can see The Whizzinator being sold on a lot of sites, including online marketplaces like Amazon. But even if they have more affordable prices, would you really risk your drug test for a few bucks? You can avoid wasting money on low-quality knockoffs or fakes by buying directly from the manufacturer.
How Much Does The Whizzinator Cost?
The price varies depending on the seller. The official website currently lists it at $135.59, but they also have frequent sales and discounts.
I found a much cheaper alternative product call The Monkey Dong. It’s much smaller and reliable and looks more realistic to use. Compared to the real Whizzinator, this product is a better option.
For this reason alone, we recommend the Monkey Dong over the Whizzinator. Buy it Here from their Official Website.
How Do You Clean a Whizzinator?
ALS does not recommend that you use soap or chemical cleaners to clean your Whizzinator device. If you need to, just rinse it out with water.
But if you want to give it a thorough clean for future reuse, you can buy The Whizzinator cleaning solution. It prevents bacteria build up without destroying to components or potentially altering the chemical makeup of your synthetic urine.
The Bottom Line
The Whizzinator is one of the oldest and most popular synthetic urine kits on the market, and we can see why. The manufacturing company has had 15 years to research and perfect its perfect pee blend. On its urine formula and lifelike penis prosthetics alone, The Whizzinator is a real winner.
But there are a couple of design flaws and the expensive price tag to think about. If beating a drug test without getting caught is your #1 priority (as it should be), then there might be better and cheaper options out there for you (like the Monkey Dong for example).
No matter which urinator you choose, remember that a mandatory drug test at work doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Now go out and pass that test!