Unfortunately, we live in a world where drug tests are a standard employment practice. Whether you’re looking for a new job or trying to keep your current one, you’ll most likely have to piss into a cup at least once in your life. Abstaining from your fun, personal time isn’t always the most practical option, but failing a drug test comes with some major consequences.
If you don’t have enough time to do a natural detox, you might think that you’re doomed. Before you start panicking, you should know that there is one fool-proof way of passing your drug test in a jiffy. Synthetic urine is a quick and easy fix to your drug test problems.
Now, most fake piss products come in a little bag, and you pour the pee from there and into the collection cup. That works fine for most purposes, but it gets a bit more complicated if you have a supervised drug test. Thank god, then, that there are products out there designed to fool even the most watchful eyes.
If you have an upcoming supervised drug test, combining synthetic urine with a urinator device is the way to go. The Monkey Dong is one of the most popular ones on the market, but what is it exactly, and does it really work?
Monkey Dong, from synthetic urine giant Serious Monkey Bizness, is a urinating device you can use for pranks, fetish play, and, yes, passing a drug test. You might have heard of Serious Monkey Bizness before, thanks to their amazing Monkey Whizz kit, which we’ve also reviewed before.
All Serious Monkey Bizness synthetic urine is made of the same complete formula, which contains everything you need to pass it off as the real thing. It has the correct levels of uric acid, pH, and creatinine as real piss. It also looks, smells, and foams the same way. One of the great things about Serious Monkey Bizness Monkey Urine is that it’s sterilized, and grows bacteria just like genuine, human piss.
The Monkey Dong comes with a bag of this high-quality artificial urine, plus a reusable prosthetic penis attachment. Unlike other urinating devices, the Monkey Dong comes in six different colors to perfectly match your skin tone. This makes your fake piss way more believable on test day. It’s activated by a simple squeeze mechanism, which is so easy, you can do it with just one hand. The valve is silent too, so you don’t raise any suspicions.
Serious Monkey Bizness products are all proudly manufactured in the US of A. They have discreet same day shipping, and the company name won’t show up on the shipping label or your credit card statement. If you encounter any trouble with your Monkey Dong, you can call their toll free customer service number.
Click here to to order your Monkey Dong Kit
What Comes with the Kit
The Monkey Dong is your one-stop-shop to powering through any drug test, even a supervised one:
- A vial of dehydrated synthetic Monkey Urine. When mixed with around 3oz of water, this will have the same organic components as real human pee. Make sure to mix it and use according to the kit’s instructions.
- Urinating strap-on device. The prosthetic penis can be color-matched to your skin tone with any of the six available colors. The device is also made up of a urine bag and an elastic belt that will comfortably fit up to 54-inch waists.
- Temperature strip, already attached to the urine bag. It has large, easy-to-read numbers. Your urine will have to register at around 94-96F for the lab to accept it.
- One refill syringe. This will help you transfer your mixed Monkey Dong piss from a cup and into the urinator device. You can also use other, clean syringes as well.
- 4 heat packs that you can attach to the urine bag when you’re ready to use them. They are self-adhering, so you don’t have to worry about messy tapes and rubber bands. They are good for up to eight hours and are specially-designed not to over or underheat your synthetic urine.
The pee that comes with the Monkey Dong has the exact same formula as human pee, but even a great formula won’t do much if the temperature is wrong. We can’t stress enough that you MUST submit a urine sample that is around body temperature at 94-96 degrees Fahrenheit. You can use any method to heat up your fake piss, including hand warmers or the heat packs that come with the kit.
You can store the dehydrated Monkey Urine for up to a year before it goes bad and becomes less effective. This means that you can buy in bulk, save it for later use, and just bust it out when you need to. Once mixed with water, you have up to 24 hours to use the sample.
The Monkey Dong itself is very easy to use, but you can practice before the big test day just to be sure. Practice walking around while wearing the prosthetic penis and also how to pee into a cup using the device. You can use water during your run-throughs. Make sure to clean the Monkey Dong after each use.
The market is flooded with cheap fakes, knockoffs, and expired goods. Always buy from trusted retailers or directly from the manufacturer if possible. You don’t want to compromise your test results just for the sake of shaving a few bucks off the price tag.
How to Use Monkey Dong
The Monkey Dong comes with a set of detailed instructions. If you follow it to the T, you won’t have to worry about a thing.
- Release the external safety valve on the Monkey Dong urinator.
- In a cup or bowl, prepare the dehydrated Monkey Urine according to the package instructions. Mix the whole vial with 3oz (90-100mL) of water. Mix well until completely dissolved.
- Use a syringe to transfer the urine formula into the Monkey Dong urine bag. Secure the cap and safety valve.
- Remove the urine bag from the elastic waist belt. Wait at least an hour before the test, and apply the self-adhering pack to urine bag, on the side opposite the temperature strip. The heat pack will keep the urine warm for up to eight hours.
- Fasten the bag to the belt, and wrap the belt around your waist. Make sure the urine bag is strapped directly against your body to help maintain the right body temperature.
- Wait for the temperature strip to reach 94-96 degrees Fahrenheit. This should take around 45 minutes to an hour.
- When you’re about to go in for your test, open up the safety valve. Double check that the temperature is at the correct level.
- Squeeze the tip of the prosthetic penis and dispense the fake piss into the collection cup.
Does Monkey Dong Work?
Rejoice, penis-owners, because now there’s a urinating device that really looks and works like the real deal. It has the same contents as the Monkey Whizz kit, which means that it contains all the natural, organic components of real pee. Plus, it’s cheaper and more effective than its closest competitors.
We love the silent valve on the penis attachment. Compared to other products like the Whizzinator, there’s no crinkling or crackling plastic sound when squeezing the pee out of the urine bag. The squeeze mechanism is so easy, you can do it with just one hand. This means you can dispense the fake piss into the cup without anyone suspecting a thing.
The fact that the Monkey Dong comes in six different colors is a huge plus. Most other brands come in one unrealistic-looking light shade, but with the Monkey Dong, everyone of all skin tones can use it. Many reviewers praise how real it looks at first glance.
The urinator device is reusable (just remember to clean it!), so if you ever need to take a drug test again, you can save money and just buy compatible synthetic urine from the same company. Serious Monkey Bizness makes some of the best synthetic urine products on the market, so you can feel confident about clearing your drug test.
If passing a drug test is your main goal – and of course it is – the Monkey Dong is a sure-fire way to achieve that. The urine itself is a unisex formula, but the added prosthetic penis makes it easy for any guy to pass even a supervised test. It contains the exact formula needed to fool any urine drug test. The Monkey Dong comes in different colors, so you can pick the one closest to yours. It’s silent, easy-to-use, and hassle-free. Best of all, it’s one of the cheapest and yet most effective urinator devices available online.
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If passing a drug test is your main goal, this is a sure a way to achieve that. Monkey Dong is a unisex formula, but the added prosthetic penis makes it easy for any guy to pass even a supervised test.